The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 105 – Full Episode – 5th January, 2020

The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 105 – Full Episode – 5th January, 2020

How do I look, Ms. Archana? Handsome than usual. I look handsome?
– Very much. – Same to you. You look lovely too.
– Thank you. I’ve visited the parlor
around five times. What? Why? The parlour guy
was missing all the time. The guy in
the next shop told me that the parlor
guy has gone to Madh to do make-up
for someone. – To do Make-up. He said
it’s been seven days. He said the make-up session
was only for 6 days. I heard the lady makes
the make-up guy disappear to avoid paying. I applied
different perfumes today. – Why? I smell like a vegetable gravy. The reason for
me to do all this is.. because the guest
who’s coming here today In this season,
though.. – Yes. she’s coming here
for the first time. But, she’s
always mentioned here. And she will be mentioned
until there’s breath and life So, I would like to
invite with a round of applause Very charming, very beautiful,
my favourite, superstar Deepika Padukone. Wow! Wow! Welcome, Deepika. Wow! Deepika.. Welcome.
– Thank you. Welcome, Deepika. Thank you. You look so wonderful.. Really? He’s done for. Tell me something new,
Mr. Kapil. You look like a
‘Chum Chum’. ‘Chum Chum’ as in? The sweet.
The sweet? – Pink in colour. Gulab Jamun? Gulab Jamun is
of different colour. ‘Chum Chum..’
– Because that’s my favourite. Then,
my favourite from today too. What do you say in
such situations, Ms. Archana? ‘She came to our house
by the grace of god.’ ‘I see them at
times and my house at times.’ I’ve left my mom at home.
She’s looking after it. I will be
looking at her today. A round of applause
for Deepika. Thank you.. Thank you. Thank you. Not just me, Deepika.
Crores of people love you. They’ve never
given such a long ovation. You would be
telling this to everyone. No?
– No. – No. That’s not possible. Even if I do, that’s
my job. Sony TV pays me for it. But whatever I say today
is from my heart. And apart from the truth.
– I won’t say anything else. Okay, so as you all know Deepika’s wedding was
a few days before my wedding. My wedding was in Amritsar. Her wedding was in Italy where
people go for their honeymoon. But, still, it was I
who gave the good news first. Kapil.. But you know what.. Kapil.. No.. Kapil.. There was no hurry, my mom
finished stitching the sweater. There’s another
good news for you. Today is Deepika’s birthday. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday,
dear Deepika. – Thank you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Deepika.
God bless you. Very good,
but where’s my cake? It’ll be here
soon. – It’ll be here? As you all know Deepika is doing a
challenging and inspiring movie which is named
‘Chhapaak’. – Thank you. Deepika, tell our viewers
a bit more about ‘Chhapaak’. About what is it?
And who is it based on? You all would have
heard of Acid attack. – Yes. Specially on women. Not that it
doesn’t happen on men. But mostly
it happens on women. – Yes. There are different
reasons for it to happen. But,
when Meghana ma’am told me the script. I think I said yes, instantly because felt getting
this story out to the masses Is very
much necessary. – Indeed And this is
the right moment. Because so many things
are happening in our country. And hopefully.
after seeing the movie the people’s thoughts and the way
we live in the society hopefully,
we get to see a change. Absolutely,
there will be a change. This is a very
challenging subject, Deepika. Many congratulations
for that. And we’re
so proud of you. – Thank you. Aunt is here. Oh, Deepu! Deepu! Stop it. Enough.. Oh, my..
One minute.. Now hug me!
My child! I’m wearing heels,
or else I’d have carried you. If you fall,
Kapu will catch you. How is my child?
– I’m fine, I missed you a lot. Oh, dear! But I’m happy.
She has come home for the first time
after her wedding. What?
– “Wedding in Italy!” “He wasn’t invited!” What did I just hear?
‘Wedding in Italy?’ He wasn’t invited! I was busy. He wasn’t invited! Who?
– This man! Oh, my! Kapu! She has charmed me
as soon as she arrived. ‘Wedding in Italy.
He wasn’t invited!’ No, dear.. In Italy..
– Deepika, she’s my aunt. Aunt Kammo from Delhi. – What’s
the point of introductions now? Had you introduced me to her
earlier, I’d have set you.. Let me tell you, Ms. Archana.
The arrow is out and has hit its mark!
– Right on target! Well, I won’t talk to you!
– Why? – After your wedding you didn’t come to meet me
or the others though you were in Mumbai.
– But I came to meet you today on my birthday!
– Oh, sweet! My child! Keep sitting.
That way, we are at level. By the way, how is Ranvu?
– What? I hope, he is doing fine. Convey my regards to him. Aunt, do you know Ranveer? Kapu, tell me something. Is
there anyone whom I don’t know? She was very young when
she used to play in my lap. Since she is so tall now, she
was this big during her birth. And Ranvu was so small. He would sing in my lap
all day like this. What’s that?
– See, he sings like this now. Yes, as a baby..
– But as a baby, he would coo.. Let me be honest, Ms. Archana.
– Yes? When Ranvu and Deepu’s love
was blossoming he would put his head on my
shoulders and cry all the time. Why? – He would do like this.
‘Ms. Kammo’ ‘will Deepu marry me?
Will it work out?’ I pitied him. Okay. – Then I called up
my first boyfriend and they became a couple.
– What? First boyfriend? Who was your first boyfriend,
Aunt? – The guy who uses massive sets,
chandeliers, gaudy ornaments.. My dearest one.. My Bhansalu!
– Sanjay? What are you saying, Aunt?
He’s a renowned director. Right. – So what, dear?
Let me tell you a secret. All the famous directors
in the industry.. – Yes? …they like short stories
like me. Why did you come here, Aunt?
– Sorry, dear. I came to welcome Deepika, but
I’m talking about my love life! Gosh!
– Right? Deepika, come forth, dear.
Come.. Clap, guys! Thank you! You’re welcome, dear. Here you go. Now go ahead. Really?
– Yes, really. No, dear, do it well. Right?
– Leave my hand! What have I done?
– What happened? Oh, no! My life is over! Deepika spilled my rice grains
on the floor! Aunt, don’t cry.
You look ugly when you cry. It’s okay, dear.
No worries. I was just kidding. Don’t do that.
– Why, dear? We are paid for jesting.
Or else, they don’t pay us. Wait, Deepu. Dear, I’ll go now.
Take care. And convey my regards to Ranvu.
– Sure. And, dear.. Let’s go.. See, Deepika, people say that
things change after marriage but nothing has changed here.
People still come to disturb us. They come for a short while
and earn lakhs. Yeah.. By the way, why has
your son come here today? She has called him on purpose
to learn my moves. So that he can replace me
in the next episode. I know everything. – Actually,
I’ll tell you the truth Deepika. Ayushmaan is
your biggest fan in the world. Oh! – Yes. – And yesterday, you
visited Karan Johar’s office. Yes. – And he met you.
He told me he has been holding his breath since then. You are not breathing?
Go out and take deep breaths! So, he’s come
especially to meet you. How sweet! Thank you.. I have met him before. I’m not interested. No..
– But you did not tell me. Kapil! Don’t be mean! Jealous! – Why did you
meet him by the way? We went on a cruise. But she married Ranveer! By the way, wherever we
went apart from Capri.. We visited the towns. And we’d
spot someone coming from afar. We’d wonder who this
beautiful couple is. It’d be Ranveer and Deepika. The whole world knew
but I got no wind of it. Ranveer kept this secret
from you. He was scared. Right? You were
his toughest competition. Right. He is jealous of no one
but you. This line gives me hope
to live my life happily. This is enough for me. You know, there are many rumours
surrounding stars and superstars right? – Yes. – We have heard
some rumours about you. I don’t believe them. I’d
rather break the legs of those who spread rumours about you.
– I see! – Since you are here let us confirm if they’re right.
– Yes. They say, you relish Pani Puris
on the roadside stalls. And you disguise yourself often
for the same. – Oh! Is it true?
– It’s true. Really? – Yes. – Where do you
have Golgappas? We’ll go there.
– In Bandra. And in Kolkata,
right outside Sabyasachi’s shop there used to be a famous
Chaat vendor. – Okay. I do not know if he is still
working there. I had some there. I have eaten a lot.
A lot in Calcutta. I am speaking of the times
after you got stardom. Yes. – So people never
troubled you? They do.. But I am interested
in the snacks there so.. He has changed
his preference now. People call me a snack. Have you ever eaten ‘Golgappe’
with seven different syrups? Orange and asafoetida? No. You haven’t?
– I have not tried that much. Come to Amritsar
and you can have some. Let’s go.
– Not in Bandra. All you get in Bandra
is expensive flats. We have another one
related to this. You keep talking to the vendor
while he is serving the snack so that he forgets
the count. This is a rumour.
She would never do that. It can be done though. It is possible.
– Yes, it is. They do carry the truth
for rumours. We have also heard that you keep an emergency sewing kit since you are scared
that Ranveer may rip his clothes as he is always
jumping around. True. It is true. It has also happened. When did that happen? After this cruise, I was
heading back to India. And it was a music festival
in Barcelona. – Yes? And we got down and we went
to the music festival and from there I had
to go to the airport and he was wearing
a loose pant. And he was doing a weird step and the pants got ripped.
– All of out, split wide. And I was like.. I told him to wait. I got my sewing kit while they are dancing. And in the party,
I was patched his pants. And.. I have a picture
of it. let me show you. How lucky you are,
Ranveer! Okay. We have heard that
you mix tea and coffee and you call it toffee? I cannot believe
that she drinks tea. I simply cannot. Why is that? You cannot have tea. And I can have coffee? None of them. Why?
– Why? Only juice. Only juice? This is rubbish. This is rubbish.
– I deny it myself. We have heard that
you are a bathroom singer and you are so loud
that neighbours can hear you. Really?
– I may be loud but not that loud. So you are
a bathroom singer. Yes. – Wow!
– You never ang for us. We would like to hear. We are in a living room now. I mean to say
that we never heard you sing. Okay. We have heard that
you love cockroaches and you call them coco.
What? What do you think? I hate them
but if you like them then I love them. I mean.. What do you think?
Do I like cockroaches? If you like them,
I’ll adopt them. If you do not like them
then so do I! Is it true or not? What do you think,
Kapil? You do know me. Well, not closely.. Had I kwon..
– I do not like cockroaches. No, right? Then it is a rumour.
Rubbish. I hate cockroaches. You must sound
more convincing. Rubbish! Louder. Shoot the one
who spread this news. Another one.
A very cute one. Ranveer speaks
to your dimples. Wow!
– Gross! I enjoyed it. This is how things
go on and about. Gross! – And hence you must
stay in touch and I will tell you
what goes around. I never heard of this one. Is that so?
Rubbish! Okay. We have heard that
Farah Khan gave you a cooker and it whistles
seeing at you. Is it true? It whistles seeing
the food inside. So you did get a cooker
as a gift. Wow! Okay.
– With Biryani. Good. We have heard that you
and Ranveer have same shoe size and hence you
switch shoes. It is true. Is it? Okay. We have heard that
that you always lost when playing snake
and ladders and hence till date
you are scared of stairs. I do not accept this. I am scared of heights. A bit. You are so tall yourself. You must get scared
while looking down then. I knew he’d say that. I knew it. Yes, but..
It is two different things. Okay. Even I am scared
of heights. We are so alike. I too am scared
of heights. It’s too late, Kapil.
It’s too late. It is too late. Yes, the government
has formed. But we can voice
our opinions. Now.. Okay, the last one. You have done
a lot of historical movies. And now you are fond
of a royal lifestyle. And you found a bodyguard
with such a mediaeval name. And what would that name be? Jallaluddin. Really? – Who is Jallaluddin
from your staff? Jallal. Oh.. – Where is he?
Is he here? Jallauddin. Where is he?
– Where is Jallal? We summon thee! Come here, Jallal. What sort of a bodyguard
stays away from you? Jallaluddin,
I am better than you. I am with her. Greet everyone. Hello, Jallaluddin. Give me your number. Yes, sir. Tell us your name. My name is Jallauddin Sheikh. Wow! That is a nice name. How are you? Such love? He protects Deepika. Take good care of her. Let no one come
close to her. Certainly.
– Not even Ranveer. Not even you. He says he will not
let me go close as well. Thank you, Jallaluddin,
for protecting our Deepika. God bless you. He has been so gentle
over here but when outside
you go near Deepika he pushes you aside. Selfish guy. I hate these bodyguard
type of people. Okay.
– Oh, really? Yeah, you could have kept me.
24 hours, I would.. Ms. Archana does this. You.. Do you think she is a wrestler? What do you mean by think? She is!
– Say anything.. If you don’t believe,
then ask his wife.. I mean, ask her husband. Do you know, the movie ‘DDLJ’..
– Apologise to her. I love you, Ms. Archana.
You are looking very pretty. Let’s come to the point.. In DDLJ when Mr. Parmeet
– Yes. is going to marry Kajol
– Yeah. then Yash Chopra
scripted a scene that he will abduct
Shah Rukh Khan. He wouldn’t have done it
because he’s the hero. She was watching the shooting
from outside so she went and picked
Shah Rukh Khan like this. Later.. All of you must have noticed that before her marriage her movie titles were
‘Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani’ ‘Cocktail’, ‘Love Aaj Kal’ ‘Ram-Leela’, ‘Bajirao Mastani’. All of them were very romantic. We heard that you are acting
in a movie, ‘Mahabharata’. Why did you get this idea
after your marriage? This was a question
raised by the public. They had told me
to ask the same from you. Is this also a rumour?
– No, this isn’t one. We just wanted to ask you. Why after marriage? Why did you think
of doing ‘Mahabharata’ after your marriage? What would have happened if it happened
before my marriage? Nothing.
– Nothing. Then nothing.. Deepika, we need an excuse
to talk to you. Okay. – We can also
talk about alphabets.. We can say anything.
– Anything.. So all this is what I’m talking. What I’m talking.. – It’s
just rubbish things, baby. It’s very sweet.. I feel like dispersing
the audience. Go and do your work.. You missed a compliment, Kapil. Kapil, Deepika paid you
a compliment. What compliment?
– Right now. She said..
– I said, it’s sounding sweet. Thanks, Deepika. I want to say one more thing. From the movie, ‘Chhapaak’ Deepika is launching
as a producer as well. Oh, yeah.. So it’s her first movie
as a producer and she’s a producer
in Ranveer Singh’s movie, 83. Wow.
– Wow. She loves Ranveer, married him..
– Yeah.. She’s investing
in his movies as well. Shall we leave the country? Make some time for us.
At least, one TikTok video. Great!
– Sure? – Done. We will make one video tonight.
– Done. All right.
– Done.. When Deepika used to go
outside for shoots let it be movie or a TV show then Ranveer also used
to come there. I have seen him once or twice
outside my set as well. I thought, he’s my fan. I never knew,
he’s going to spoil my plot. Deepika, is Ranveer still
the same after marriage? Does he come and meet you
when you are outside or has he changed?
– Yes, he comes. – Does he? I’m going tonight.
– Oh.. Deepika, we have few questions
from the audience. They think,
do you do work like them even when you are a superstar? They have sent me few questions which I will be asking
on their behalf. Okay.
– So they ask that when the floor
at your home is mopped then do you tell him
to walk on the wet floor? Yes.
– Really? – Yeah. Wow. Do you ever take milk
from the milkman? Yes.
– Have you ever asked for extra? Yeah,
but including the coupon. You have coupons.. In ours,
they place it on the underarms.. He pours it in this manner.
There are no coupons. Ain’t I right? You do give a coupon. This is our area. It varies on the area. She lives in an expensive area. In our area, they place it
on their underarms. Ms. Archana directly takes
it out from the cow. One day she went.. She does this every day.
She takes a big utensil and while brushing,
she sees whose cow is there.. One day, she.. She was taking out the milk
and the owner came. She picked the cow
and absconded. I have a personal question. While eating dry fruits..
– Weren’t these personal? No, the women asked this.
– Yes.. I have a personal question.. When you are eating dried fruits so if an almond falls
and none are watching then do you pick
it up and eat it? Not just there, I would eat it if it’s fallen here as well.
– Yes. Yeah,
there’s nothing wrong in it. Absolutely. – Five second
rule. – Five second rule. Sometimes it’s 10 second
– 10 seconds as well. 15 seconds, 20 seconds.. Her cashew fell in Juhu beach. So she swam
and came out from Dadar. Oh, God! There’s more to it.
– Yeah. A person found it
and was about to eat it. When she came out,
then she held him like this.. She’s like, take it out.. Oh, God! Your imagination.. Along with the cashew,
she pulled his voicebox. She said,
there’s no need to worry. I will take my cashew
and leave it. Kapil.. This was the story.
Let’s progress further. Have you ever made a list for your house grocery? Just like grandmothers do it.
– Yes.. For example, toothpaste.. Do you make a list?
– Yes. There’s monthly list.. There’s weekly list and then there is daily list. Okay, last one. Have you ever stolen money
from your husband’s wallet? Ms. Archana,
you also do the same. There’s no need to twist hands. Sorry, Ms. Archana.
You are looking very pretty. Oh my, I can’t believe this!
– Believe.. Like really? Deepika Padukone in the house! I had told that Deepika
is coming today. No obese people
should be allowed inside. How did you enter? Don’t take ‘Pinga’ with me. That’s not how it’s called. But since she came,
that’s why it’s ‘Pinga’. Deepika, sit..
– Please, sit. Make yourself comfortable. I will introduce myself. I’m Achcha Yadav.
– Okay. I’m Baccha Yadav’s brother. I live in London. I’m a big fan of yours. What is it?
– Fan. Fan!
– Fan.. Fan.. Fan..
I am a big fan of yours. And your presence has
made us all that.. Well. Kapil Sharma, what is it
that women take for free while buying vegetables? The vegetable vendor. The vegetable vendor?
– Yes. Who brings
the vegetable vendor while buying vegetables? You are going
in the wrong way. – Yes. Anyway.. It is of
green colour. It has leaves.
– Coriander leaf? Coriander leaf. We are fortunate
to have you here. By the way..
– Pretty cool.. Pretty cool.. Thank you very much. By the way,
this is not important. I could have been that.. Kapu Sharma
what is it when one dies and four people lift
his body.. The pyre.
– The pyre. Onion.
Onion.. I could have bought
onion instead. You couldn’t afford me. But the onions prices
have inflated. That’s right.
– I want to tell you one thing. You work so hard yet you could complete
only 100 episodes so far. The prices of onion
have crossed Rs. 150. Yes. Please don’t edit this line. People will be upset.
– Why? People will be upset
about the prices of onion. Achcha.. Deepika is here.
Talk sensible. What are you saying? Ranveer Singh is there
for sensible talks. Achcha, why are you talking
about onion and money. Deepika is here.
Talk to her. You couldn’t talk to her
when you had to. What will I talk to her? Hey! There’s red colour
on my lips. There’s red colour on my lips. There’s..
– Achcha.. Out. Let me continue the interview. I am just telling you that you can go ahead
with the interview. I will not stop you. But did you bring
the bag? What for? Where will you store
the interview? You should have a bag. Interview is not kept
anywhere. We discuss things. We wear a ‘hoti’
under the trousers. That’s called a ‘dhoti’. That’s the name
of a cricketer. Dhoni..
– He is Dhoni. You should take a shower. Ma’am..
There’s nothing as such. We have come back
to the same point. I have been noticing.
I am learning. It’s just like the show,
you know. – Of course. We had started in January. We have come back. We had started
with Ranveer Singh and we have Deepika, today. It’s like the circle of life,
you know. By the way, ma’am. I live in London.
– Okay. I you ever visit London.. If you face any problem..
Any problem for that matter.. You can tell me. What will you do? – Okay.
How? – I’ll tell the police. Even she can tell
the police. She can give interview
to the channel directly. Why did you become
the medium? Ms. Deepika,
I live in London. You can..
– You have said this thrice. ‘I live in London..
I live in London..’ He reminds himself.
He lives in Ghatkopar. So, you live in London.
So what? And one should lie to
an extent that it becomes true. Correct. This is right. You got married
in Italy, right? Next to London. Next to London.
– Correct. I would like to give you
a piece of advice. If at all you got
married in London then you could have
saved the expenses of catering. How? If she got married in London I would have
attended her wedding. This would have helped you
save money. I am talking about myself. Why would I want her
to save money? She is already rich. Trust me.
You are very beautiful. Technically,
even I am beautiful. Sir, have you seen
my photograph? What photo?
– DP. There’s a DP
on the phone. Ma’am, I wanted
to pronounce your name. So, I was running
around the bush. The picture
of my dp. Very true. Very true.
– Thank you. Thank you. By the way,
you got married. If you could help me.. You need help?
– Yes. Find a girl for me
and get me married. Please. Don’t you have
a girlfriend? Yes, I do.
She is no more interested in me. Why? Why would she be interested?
We have broken up. Why would she? What if she tries
to treat me like a cattle? That’s a problem. Ma’am, my phone is ringing. Shall I take it?
– Sure. If you don’t mind.
– Sure. – Yes. Oh, man!
I am such a famous man. The England player,
Ben Stokes, the cricket player. He is calling up.
I will talk to him. Ben, how are you? Ben Stokes, if you have
a stock of onion by chance then send it to me. It’s Rs. 150 per Kilo here. Why are you abusing me? Hey! Don’t abuse me.
Else, I won’t spare you. I am warning.. Hang up! Rascal. Darn.. I am hanging up. Ma’am, I want to apologise. Like, I am very sorry. I have a business meeting
to attend. Okay. – Actually I am
into import and export. I give advice
and people yell. This is what happens..
– Yes.. I will have to leave.
Thank you. Thank you.
I will take your leave. Thank you very much. It was a pleasure
to meet you. Long time. Kapil, congratulations.
– Thank you. Love you, pal. Bye.
– Thank you, pal. Yes..
Bye, pal.. We shall converse more
with Deepika but for now it’s time to invite the director
of the film ‘Chhapaak’. With a big round of applause,
please welcome the writer director and producer who has
worked in the films such as ‘Talvar’ and ‘Raazi’. Please welcome Meghna Gulzar. Wow! Give a big round of applause
for Mr. Meghna. She’s an amazing director! Meghna, a warm welcome to you. I want you to know,
I am huge fan of you and I really like your films. I am also your fan.
– I was yearning to hear that. Come on, Ms. Meghna. Welcome
to the show. – Thank you. Meghna congratulations on your recent
award for the film ‘Raazi’. It was an amazing film. The Filmfare awarded her
the best director award. Congratulations for that. Kapil, congratulations,
you just had a baby girl. Thank you, Meghna.
Thank you so much. How’s Mr. Gulzar?
– He’s good. I mentioned
your name Meghna Gulzar. Everyone addresses Mr. Gulzar
as Gulzar Sahib. – Yes. I was going to address you
as Meghna Gulzar Sahib. The film ‘Chhapaak’ is based
on a real incident. Meghna makes films
on social issues. You have never made
a comical movie. I am very talented. I never met you. There are many talented people
apart from me. I am very happy.
– Meghna, in your films Mr. Gulzar writes songs. Yes. Do you pay him for it
or do you not pay him because you’re his daughter? Actually, since I am
the producer this time I had a nice opportunity
to negotiate the payment. I see. – I have never produced
a film before this. Yes. The lyricist and the producer
used to negotiate, directly. I see.
– But.. I made him rewrite the lyrics
so, he writes five songs instead of three songs,
for me.. – Wow! So, we make the settlement. Only Meghna can do this. Once, I got an opportunity
to meet him. I had been to Mr.
Gulzar’s house. I was looking inside the dustbin
hoping to find a discarded note. He just wanted something. I actually did that. It’s
a pleasure to meet you, today. When I met Gulzar Sahib,
he’s so soft-spoken. People will be left..
What’s that word? He’s captivating. He speaks in a very good manner. He speaks in Urdu. You can tell us..
– Yes.. Does your father ever get angry
at you? No. Because I don’t give him
an opportunity. I was a very boring daughter.
– That’s so sweet. That’s not true. Tell us more. No. I mean.. I clearly remember him
rebuking me only once throughout my life.
– What did he tell you? I think, I was in fourth grade
or something. – I see. I was 11 years old.
I was learning piano. During that year, I had to
attend classes in school and I had piano lessons. I had to attend ballet classes
as well. I used to be busy,
every evening. I had no time to play
after school. – Right.. One day,
I was in a rebellious mood. I was practicing piano and I
was unable to play a piece. I was making mistakes. I stopped playing.
I refused to play and I said, I wanted to play. That was the only time,
he raised his voice at me. He opened the piano
and he asked me to keep practicing
until I get it right. Is that the way he rebuked you?
– Yes. I see.
We used to get reprimanded. We would get beaten up. Deepika, has your father ever
rebuked you? – Several times. Earlier, we used to live
in an apartment. We had a long kitchen.
– I see.. You have long kitchens..
– And.. I mean.. She’s so tall
and she has a long kitchen. Wow! I have to think
before I say something now. Yes, you have to.. We had a storeroom
where we used to store things. Whenever I used to misbehave
with my parents or didn’t do my homework,
properly they used to lock me
in the storeroom. Oh! There was only one light
in that room and the switch was outside. My father used to lock me
in the storeroom and turn off the light. Please applaud.. Archana,
did you ever get rebuked? I have gotten beaten up as well yet I never reformed. You were going to say that,
right? No..
– I said it already. Someone told me, when
Archana’s father rebuked her she hit her friend
because she was angry. Someone told me about it.
– Oh, God! I have never yelled
at my daughter. You’re not the kind of father
who will rebuke his children. You won’t. I look at my daughter
and I get amazed at what I have made! Wow! Sometimes, our fathers have
asked us to go to the terrace and put the blankets in the sun. Have they done that?
– Yes. I wonder how Mr. Gulzar
says that. He has a different vocabulary
and dictionary. In the old drawers of my house I stumbled upon an old quilt.
– Wow! The wrinkles on the quilt
are an indication dust has gathered
over the course of time. Oh, wow! Let us expose them
to the tender sunlight, today. Wow! When our mothers used to go out
when we were young. Our mothers would ask us
to turn off the stove after four whistles
from the cooker. – Yes. If Mr. Gulzar had to ask someone
to turn off the stove after four whistles. The hissing sound
of the cooked lentils.. The hissing sound
of the cooked lentils.. Wow!
– The hissing sound.. When you hear the hissing sound
of the cooked lentils through the whistles..
– Oh, wow! The stock from the lentils
starts erupting like a volcano. After hearing the call
for the fourth time just twist the stove’s ear
and turn off the stove. – Wow! Wow! Mr. Gulzar, we love you. Thank you! Thank you
so much for everything. Mr. Gulzar directed
the movie ‘Angoor’. It’s a timeless movie.
– Beautiful.. It was a very comical movie.
It’s very funny. Does Mr. Gulzar joke around
at home? Yes, he does. When I visit him
for the second time I will be myself.
– Go ahead. You will be surprised to know,
he is very jovial as well which is reflected
in his movies, poems. He has a collection of poems..
– Yes.. It’s called as ‘Paaji Nazmein’.
– ‘Paaji Nazmein’.. Yes. His humorous side
is reflected in those poems. That’s amazing. Deepika, I heard Ranveer say that he hides his serious side. We have never seen him
in a serious mood and I hope, we don’t get
to see that side. We would always want him
to sing, dance and have fun. But you must be knowing better. Has he ever been serious? Ever? – Other than
when he proposed you. I don’t know even if that time
he was serious or not. And still you accepted
the proposal! Yes, I did, now.. Let’s see. But, he is.. What he does
in front of the camera and what people see.. He is not like that
all the time. He is quite intelligent. I often tell him..
– Okay. …to showcase
his intelligent side to people. He is very sensitive
and very emotional. Yes! Oh my.. But, Ranveer’s intelligence is always visible
in his performances. – Actually. Ms. Archana, you know normally
what happens is that after getting married wives want to change
some habits of their husbands. They want to correct them. Did you bring
any change in Ranveer? I am trying.
– Okay. He is..
– He and you.. I can see that your vocabulary
has changed a lot. Earlier she would talk
very casually. Now she is all sophisticated
and well-spoken. I mean, wow! God bless you both. May no one cast evil eye
on your pair. How do you want me to talk?
Should I be rude and casual? How should I talk? Tell her. How do I know that?
Did you get married to me? Again you are back
to the same topic. Look, Deepika.
– Yes. Even after 50 years..
– Again you called me Deepika! Deepu!
– Yes. After 50 years
when you come here we will be old
and I’ll welcome you like this. Coming here tonight
is Deepika Padukone. My feelings will still
remain the same. Show me Jalaluddin’s entry. Even he will be old by then. He will say, ‘Look,
nobody should push me.’ So, I would like to ask
my studio audience if anyone tried
to change their husband and if at all you tried,
were you successful. Because you guys
are already married may be he has that
taken for granted attitude. I mean, whatever it is
you can share it with us. Yes, sir. There will be
experienced stories. Hello, sir. Hello, Kapil.
– Hello, sir. Hello, Ms. Meghna.
Hello, Ms. Deepika. Ms. Archana..
– Hello. My name is Pravesh Kumar.
– Okay. I was born in Kolkata
and raised in Delhi. My father was in army.
– Okay. We have had a joint marriage
and my wife is.. Joint marriage? I mean, arranged marriage. Okay. – Arranged marriage!
– Arranged marriage! I thought
it was a group marriage. Yes, so after that..
– Sir, my wife is from Haryana. We are married for 20 years now
and everything is fine. My wife is lovely
and is always there for me. But there’s something about her
which I couldn’t change. What is it?
– When she drinks water she makes weird noises. This is the first time I’m
hearing this kind of problem. It has happened so many times
that we were attending an event I had so many friend around
and I’m from army background. It’s so embarrassing, sir. Let her make those sounds.
What’s the big deal! Sir, actually.. – It’s just
the sound of drinking water. There are some who..
– Sir, original.. Sir, she is an original piece
from Haryana. Don’t you produce any sound?
I mean.. You are perfectly fine! Sir, I’d like to tell you that just like
the epic dialogues of ‘Sholay’ you rule our hearts. Oh!
– Really! – Yes. Thank you, sir.
– I mean.. Sir, you have worked so hard and it’s very difficult to do
something new every day. Since I was coming here
I couldn’t sleep whole night. Everything that I was
planning to say to you was answered by the Kapil
that lives inside me. So, I was tired and I gave up. It’s like no one
can beat you at this so you have my admiration.
And thank you so much. Thank you. Love you.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for coming
to the show. That’s very true. Your story was very funny
and also unique. The sound..
– But what he just mentioned we both agree.
We totally agree that doing comedy
is the most difficult craft. Actually.. – Actually,
in entertainment realm this is the most
difficult thing. Especially in this format.
– In this format, yes. Really!
– Thank you. Okay, is there anyone else? Yes, ma’am. Hi, Kapil. – Hello.
– First of all, congratulations. Thank you, ma’am. My name is Poonam.
I am from London. Welcome, ma’am.
– Thank you. And happy birthday, Deepika.
– Thank you. Hope you have a lovely day.
– Thank you. My husband is here.
– Hi, Husband! My Hindi isn’t that good
so please forgive me. Even I don’t know that
very well. I am much comfortable
in English. Actually, there are many wives who feel very happy
when their husbands change be it before getting married
or after getting married. But I am very sad. Why? Earlier, he would..
– How did he change? Did you exchange your husband
or something? – No! Okay, you mean
his habits have changed! He has changed a lot.
– How? Actually the main thing is that he spends a lot of time
in the toilet. Yes.
– Okay. Okay. – Earlier..
– Wouldn’t he do that earlier? Earlier he would get ready
in 10 minutes. Now he easily takes
an hour or two. An hour or two?
– Yes. Easily.. And when he comes out..
– Do you write thesis there? What do you do there? I would like to talk to him. I don’t know
how time passes, but.. She cooks really well. Actually, the problem is
that after one hour he comes out and then he tells me
that it didn’t happen properly and that he wants to lie down. And I’m like.. Then he says,
‘Okay, one more time..’ We are literally ready to go out
and he is like.. ‘One minute please,
the pressure is building up.’ ‘I need to go to the toilet.’ Oh, God! You know these kind
of conversations take place only after you get married. Darling, I am constipated.
– Oh, God! Before getting married..
Deepika, back me on this. Tell us if this happens or not. Usually, boys in such situations say that they have
an urgent call to attend. They carry their phones,
but don’t use that inside. Such talks don’t happen
when you are unmarried. After getting married.. Kapil! I don’t think
before being married she could have said such things
about him so openly. That’s what I am saying.
Exactly. She wouldn’t have. I have to salute you, sir. For letting her do this.
– Yes, for letting her do this. Really! Now he will spend
half an hour extra there. I hope, not. But your problem is too cute. This is a problem
in every household, ma’am. It is too much but it is fine.
It is getting fine. One day, you must
lock him in for a day. Actually.
– He will act well. Thank you so much
for coming. Thank you.
Thank you. They have wounded me. Ms. Meghna.. I bow to thee. Queen Deepika.
– ‘Queen.’ We welcome you
to this show. It has been year
to your marriage. And? We wish to see
your child. But the child
does not want to see you. Do not underestimate me. When I go out
in the people many great men
fall for me. Hi, Ma’am. How are you? I am very well.
How are you. You are a nice director. Thank you. I like your work. Thank God.
– Very nice. My English is a bit weak. Nothing like yours. Correct.
– And.. How are you? I am fine. It has been long. Let me tell you,
Ranveer loves you a lot. I see.
– How do you know? He was here
to scout this place a year ago. And when he was fine
with it, he sent her. They look so great together. Two bodies one dress. Stop it! It is two bodies
and one soul. They share the same dress.
I have seen it. Ranveer is different. He is always so energetic. He is great. His stardom, all he got
is due to that person. Who?
– Who is it? Mr. Bhansali. Am I right? You thought I was
speaking of myself? Not like that. Deepika, let me tell you
a secret. Just a moment. Shilpa Shetty married
Raj Kundra. – Raj? – Yes. Darn it. Shilpa Shetty.. We all know that. And Shilpa is the wife
of Raj! I told you it, did I not? I told you something else
as well. I am talented, right? I am very talented.
No one casts me for movies. We are making quite a lot
of money here. It is fun. I am so talented that
Ranveer called me. What did he say? He spoke of dance
and he always hummed a tune. Do not listen to her,
Deepika. I am not making this up. It is nothing.
We danced as well. I do not want to see. No, we are not showing
any of that but you dance well. Leave me be.
No one sees me dancing. You dance so well
at the airport. I swear! Nice. You dance at airport
and people like it. I danced at a bus stop
and they took me to dog pound. To dog pound. They are having
a movie released. Let us speak of that. Yes, Chennai Express.
What a nice movie! A great movie. The train sequence
was great. I was there. Where were you? In the toilet.
No cameras there. Rohit Shetty meets me
off camera. It is a thing between us. Let me speak to her.
How are you? Let me say something
that makes sense. Yes. – You are from such
a great family. Allow me to say a couplet. Please! Those who cry
at my funeral.. Those who cry
at my funeral.. If I am to wake up,
they will not let me live. Wow!
– Wow! Great words, here. I read that somewhere.
Now time for my composition. Longing eyes, as time flies,
do despite the plight as all they seek is your sight! Sapna, why do you speak
in such great words? It is Mr. Gulzar’s daughter here
so I will speak like this. What? What if Donald Trump
comes here? Then our Prime Minister
will speak to him. What is wrong with you? Ma’am, will you make
a knife for me? Why would she do that?
– Knife.. She made a sword
for the people. I am asking for a knife. I will make one for you. You will?
– Yes. Let me speak of business. I have a small parlour. We have Bhansali massage. Why?
– What is in this? Here we make
the customer lie down. And then start a heavy
and rapid massage. That is how it is. A wordplay. We have a ‘Lungi’ dance
massage. – Okay. What about that? We make the customer
lie down. On the ‘Lungi’? No, on the normal bed. We put no oil on him. We put some oil
on a rat. Then we place the rat
in the customer’s ‘Lungi’. What then? Then the customer
starts dancing. ‘Lungi’ dance! It is an interesting one. Ram wants Leela. I see.
– What is it? We call Ram
with his friends. What friends? Any of his friends.
Anyone. Leela walks in.
– I see. She asks Ram
if he is a hero. Ram, says that one must
have courage to do so. Then? Leela replies that she would
pull the trigger then. Then they both go home. And the other guy? That guy, he goes around
saying.. ‘Hello, welcome
to Kapil Sharma Show.’ ‘Keep your surroundings clean.’ ‘Have a good night!’ ‘Keep sweeping.’ He is doing that. I.. I’ll be leaving. Are you done? It is time for me to leave. Okay, bye. So, the story of film ‘Chhapaak’
is based on a real character who is an acid attack survivor. Along with her, we’ve the other
acid attack survivors with us. So, amidst your loud applause,
I wish to invite them here. Please welcome Laxmi Agarwal,
Ritu Saini, Jeetu Sharma Kunti Devi and Bala Prajapati. How are you, Laxmi?
Welcome.. Hi.
– Hello. How are you?
– I’m fine. And you? – Hi. Happy Birthday! Come.. They deserve a big round
of applause. Please come, a hearty
welcome to all of you. Laxmi, be seated here.
Please come. Come. A hearty welcome to you all.
– Thank you. And we are so proud of you. They deserve a big round
of applause. You guys have set an example,
Laxmi. Your courage and passion
to fight.. I would like to congratulate you
all for that. Because many of them have
a curiosity to know that when the thought came to your mind
that you should fight this war. And that you shouldn’t
keep quiet. When did this thought
come to your mind, Laxmi? Thank you, Kapil.
Thank you, Ms. Meghna. Thank you, Deepika,
all survivors. It’s a great pleasure to watch
your show. – Thank you. I am so glad to be on
‘The Kapil Sharma Show’. It’s a great pleasure to have
met you. – Thank you so much. Thank you. In 2005, I had suffered
the acid attack. So, at that point, the society.. It inflicts a lot of pain.. The attacker attacks just once.
But the society attacks you every time..
Every moment. A lot of things were happening
around me. Many people came to me
and said many things. I had no idea what
I had gone through. Why people were talking
like that. When you watch the movie,
you’ll come to know the facts as to how many problems we face.
So, at that point, I was asked ‘Laxmi, what do you think
about acid?’ So, I asked, ‘Can’t acid sale
be banned’? When egg can be banned
in Rishikesh, why not acid? A PIL was filed in the
Supreme Court for ban of acid. And at that point, that was
the first step.. Ms. Shireen, my lawyer who was
fighting my case free of cost.. Wow.. I consider myself very lucky
that I’ve undergone a very few surgeries. Or else, these girls have
undergone quite a number of surgeries. Some girls undergo around
80 to 90 surgeries. They tend to be very painful.
And you won’t even have an idea whether or not those have
been successful. We always feel that the one we love is everything to us. But in the true sense,
our parents love us the most in this world. So true! So true.. Their courage is inside me
and you are able to see me here. Wow! – We are so proud
of you, Laxmi. Thank you. Your thoughts are wonderful
and as Laxmi just said the society is truly two-faced,
as Laxmi said. And the culprit is not just
the one who has committed this disgusting act but also
the one who says such things and hurt.. – Sorry to interrupt
you. – Yes, ma’am. When you really think about it,
the acid is in our minds. Right. – We need to get rid
of the acid from our minds. The thoughts in people’s minds
who thought that I’ll be
confined to the four walls. That if I can’t belong to him,
I can’t belong to anyone else. Today we all say that not you,
we belong to the entire world. Amazing!
Wow! Today, you are with us..
Deepika is with us. So is Ms. Meghna. So, in the first point you asked
us from where we get the courage. Today, I wish to say clearly
that I get it from here. – Wow! Laxmi! Laxmi, you are beautiful!
– Thank you so much. Thank you, Ms. Meghna.. Hadn’t you conceptualised it perhaps, this story and pain
would have never been able to come out. Thank you. Kapil, Deepika and my
experience has been during this film..
I met Laxmi four years ago. I met them during the film. What had a
big effect on us was their spirit. Actually.. – And their
perspective towards life.. Yes. – I got to learn a lot
from them, personally. They are sitting quietly now.
– Yes. No..
– These girls are never quiet and
timid like that. Okay? Ma’am, I didn’t ask..
I’ve met Laxmi before. But I’m meeting you all
for the first time. Where do you belong from?
– Ritu talks the most. These three are quiet.
– It’s nothing like that. No?
– No. I’m from Haryana.
– I think Kunti is the most.. You’re from Haryana. Okay.
And where are you from? I’m from Lucknow.
– From Lucknow. Hold the mic. – And you?
– I’m from Bijnor. – Bijnor. I’m from Aligarh. – Aligarh.
Okay, I heard in the news that you’ve started a cafe.
– Yes. Will you tell our audiences
about it? They’d like to hear it. This campaign
called Stop Acid Attack under Chao Foundation
came into effect in around 2012 or 2013. After that, the problem that
all the girls faced was that they were not
highly educated. Only a few girls were graduated. We’d ask everyone, and they’d
say they wanted a job. Private companies
wouldn’t hire them. Face is important to them.
– Right. Then we
planned to open a cafe where the survivors can work. The cafe is called She Heroes,
girls are also heroes. Absolutely. The first year
was very difficult for us. When a couple would come the girl would refuse
to step inside the cafe. She’d feel disgusted. The boy would say
he didn’t want to go. It took the society a year
to accept that.. Someone with a burnt
hand would serve food. It’s wrong. But we serve because we don’t consider us waiters. We serve because we wish
to feed with love. We want to spread love. A huge round applause for Laxmi,
Ritu, Jitu, Kunti and Bala. Thank you very much
for coming. Please. Please come.. Come. Ms. Meghna, I want to
congratulate you once again. You’re bringing Laxmi’s story
to the world through ‘Chhapak’. We can expect a change in our society after this movie. Deepika, congratulations
to you as well. It was great meeting you
after so long. A huge round of applause
for Deepika.

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100 Replies to “The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 105 – Full Episode – 5th January, 2020”

  1. बकवास पूरे शो की मा चोद दी तेरी पदूकोन्ं ने ।

  2. India main koi bhi film banalo india kabhi nahi badale wala..

    Kyonki india chutiyon ka desh hai.. 99 parsent gandi soch wala desh
    Jahan chaar saal ki bachchi ko nahi chhodte sale harami log..

  3. Tumhara filem nahi hai hindu par tamach hai
    Kiuki icd yatak karne bala musli tha par filem hindu bathay ho
    Hindu ko nichai dekhane ki sajis kiyaho par duniya ko malum hai kaun kaya hai

  4. Miss Lakashmi tel That #Basted Name On national telivison if you have real #Gatt's Y your Lisenig meganaGulzzar She big Fake #Filmmekar In #Hindustan Sinimaa
    #Ban her Futcher Filim's #Award wapasi Gang Ka Beti this filimmekar

  5. thank you Kapil bhai this is a very special episode … respect to everyone in the show on the front and back … I m from Sri Lanka and i love your show … humanity is loosing and you bring it back … and all you girls in the show you are so beautiful in every aspect … dont stop this world is yours …

  6. Randi Deepika agar picture real hai to tizab fekna wale ka naam muslim se hindu kyo rakha randi.
    Madharchod director and assistant
    Tumlog madarchod h

  7. बकवास acting by भारती ं#

  8. If I was unmarried, I will marrie to anyone of the acid attack victims with all my love and respect I keep her like my Queen 👑

  9. Please don't watch her movie bcz she is anti Hindus, देशद्रोही 🥶🥶 band her movie, she is helping terrorist,,fuck her every movie

  10. Please don't watch her movie bcz she is anti Hindus, देशद्रोही 🥶🥶 band her movie, she is helping terrorist,,fuck her every movie,. Drama girl

  11. Hey Kapil, I just wanted you to know that today i had the shittiest day ever and your episode made me smile for the first time today and i love you for that. Thank you

  12. बॉडगार्ड भी देखो कैसा है 🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂🙏

  13. Deepika Padukone – the dumb broad. Just went to JNU and supported the anti nationals. I do not respect her any more.

  14. इन सबके ऊपर मुसलमानों ने एसिड डाला साले सूअरों ने ,

  15. Deepika’s offscreen personality is a bit goofy compared to other stars or she’s just shy but she needs to be more confident and open as she’s a megastar and lot of people look upto her.

  16. We DONT want this IDIOT guest again …….Deepika you are a symbol of Stupidity…..bleady bitch…. Have some knowledge of India n it’s politics….

  17. Anyone From Bangladesh 🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩

  18. I was very upset when I saw Deepika standing and supporting Tukde Tukde Gang in JNU. Same day I returned 4 tickets of Chhapak. Shame on Deepika supporting anti-nationals.

  19. Vews and coment only nepal say owo ry mero des nepal🇳🇵🇳🇵🇳🇵❤️ visit nepal2020

  20. I love the show and appreciate the survive and their confidence.But As Deepika stands with anti-national elements i will never ever watch her films.

  21. Is it just me or is this episode the most awkward and disconnected one? The humor is breaking up, Kapil and others are trying but the ladies aren't getting along with them, the whole show is monotonously about Kapil's crush on Deepika. Feels off!!🤷‍♀️

  22. I think the Kapil sharma show has just become a talk show,Because I haven't seen anything funny. Please do something funny and jokes as you did before.
    Because we are huge fans of you and your comedy.
    From China.

  23. Hi kapik haver you 👋👋
    So Nice bro 👌👌👌
    Aap ka ye so bahot Accha laga.

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